I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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