I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
