she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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