my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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