Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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