I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Randomize
