Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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