also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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