I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
