I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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