does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
