I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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