I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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