Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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