I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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