The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
