my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
