We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I enjoy the company of your penis
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
