I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
