I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
