Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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