Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
