Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
