Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
