If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
