saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
You dont lie about slip and slides
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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