There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
