Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
