Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
