I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
i think my cat just said my name.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
