My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
