my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
