my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
