Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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