In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
