ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
