i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
