Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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