You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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