i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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