she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Randomize
