Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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