walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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