I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
