I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
