I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
