Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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