You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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