just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
