My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
40s are totally the cure
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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